What should I know before I join the French Foreign Legion?

I’m going anonymous for this one as it will doubtless ruffle some feathers. The one thing you should absolutely know is that in all probability you are making a huge mistake. Probably the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life. The Legion is not what you think it is. It's not an elite fighting force like some would have you believe. The training you will receive is on a par with a conscript army from the 1980’s and will in no way prepare you for anything like real combat. But that’s not what the Legion is for. The Legion is there to soak up the bullets that would otherwise cost the French Government votes. After all, who will parents blame when their sons are coming home from places like Indochina, Algeria, Chad, Iraq, Afghanistan and Mali in bodybags? As an American Adjutant once told me, “Why would they care? My momma don’t vote in France.” The Foreign Legion is simply an expendable force and always has been throughout it’s history. This is the reason that it’s most glorious moments have been it’s defeats, like Camerone.

As I said, the training is abysmal. A good 40% of the guys in my training company were unable to shoot a rifle properly, and the famed “Esprit de Corps” was virtually non-existent. What we had instead was gangs made up of different language speakers and very rarely was there any intermingling between them. The Russians, Uzbeks, Ukrainians (this was before the Crimea) and certain Latvians, Lithuanians and Estonians made up the largest group and they were not fond of Westerners in any way. A lot of them were petty criminals who were on the run in Russia and some were rumoured to be Russian Mafia. All were pretty much scum. Then you had the Poles, a big group, mostly the dregs again, but some good soldiers. Then you had the Mafia Anglais, the English speakers, from all over. The UK, Ireland, US, Canada, Australia and even some of the non native English speakers who didn’t have much truck with their own. Each group had their own way of doing things and in a lot of ways, they were like I would imagine prison gangs would be. Oh, and if you’re Black, just forget it. The racism is ridiculous and as a black man, you will be ostracised and probably beaten. I will never forget the night all the NCO’s came to our room in the training block and beat the everloving crap out of one of the recruits from Senegal just because he was seen talking to a white girl on one of the rare times we were allowed out of camp.

The officers are shit. There is simply no other word for it. They are disinterested at best and downright hostile towards those under their command at worst. In my entire time there I met one officer that I would consider competent and worthy of a leadership position. Every other officer was awful. We were told that the cream of Saint Cyr was posted to the Legion and if this is true, the French Army may as well throw the towel in now as they haven’t a hope. Lunchtime for them was getting hopelessly drunk for three hours and stumbling back across the road to camp to berate the Legionnaire who was unlucky enough to be on gate guard duty at that time. I once saw an officer beat a Legionnaire to a pulp in front of his visiting Grandparents and then attempt to attack the Grandfather when he tried to intervene. I’ve also seen a Sergeant beat an American Legionnaire so badly he collapsed his chest and would have killed him only for us threatening to bayonet him unless he stopped. The Legionnaires crime? He had his beret tipped too far back on his head. The Sergeants punishment? Nothing. Absolutely no punishment whatsoever. For nearly killing someone under his command he didn’t even receive a reprimand. I was sentenced to 30 days in the regimental prison for threatening a superior though.

Anyone who even contemplates joining the Legion should have his head examined. Almost every country in the world has an army and I’m pretty sure yours does. Join that instead. Or go to America and join the Marines. They accept foreigners too. The British Army accept recruits from the Commonwealth countries and Ireland. If none of those works out, then give up being in the military. But whatever you do, do not join the Legion. It sucks.

EDIT: Just to clarify a few things guys. I was in from 1999 to 2004 and served in the “elite” regiment, 2eme REP, 3eme Cie. All of these things happened either in training or at Calvi during those years. These are by far not the most serious incidents that happened during my time there, they’re just the ones I personally witnessed. I don’t want to mention things I heard or that were witnessed by others as I did not see them with my own eyes, but there were far worse things going on